Too Much Focus on Ugly?

Debbie Hatch | Family & F.I.T. 


This is a topic that comes with much emotion attached to it – on both sides of the issue.  I’m very interested in hearing your opinion once you’re read mine.


Are we, as a society, placing too much focus on ugly?

I mean ugly from an aesthetic perspective (whatever to heck that means – who decides what’s attractive and what’s not????) but more so I mean the ugly side of people’s behavior.

Are we taking the whole, “people are mean (meaner than they have ever been; meaner because of social media) thing” too far?

Here’s why I ask.  I’ve received this post a couple of times today from different people.

While it purports to “show how ugly people can be when it comes to judging someone else’s beauty”, I don’t take this merely at face value.  I have a few questions.

This woman was a model – who made her money, willingly, based upon her looks.  At some point she left that profession to make films.  We don’t know why.  I could take the time to research it, likely, but that information was left out of the original post.

After having done modeling work and then teaching women how to apply makeup in online tutorials, a business based on the commonly accepted “norms” of beauty, once again, she began posting pictures of herself without makeup.  That’s a big change, but she was still focusing on her looks – just this time without a filter.

I rarely wear makeup (unless I’m in the classroom) and post pictures of myself au natural all the time.  Hell, sometimes I’ve barely even brushed my hair, or I may be covered in sweat from a recent workout.  I’m not a model.  I know that.  I’m not trying to sell beauty.  I work with people on health, fitness, and self-acceptance.  I’m just a middle aged woman living an everyday life and I don’t care if people see that.  I don’t make a big deal of it.  I don’t point out my lack of makeup and no one else seems to either.

Erin got 100,000 comments (which she was seeking by the way…) yet she chose only to put the worst into her 3 minute video.

She could have, instead, decided to post 3 minutes of the most supportive comments and talked about how amazing  and supportive total strangers can be.  She didn’t.


My natural tendency is to hone in on the negative too.  Trust me, I get it.   I have had thousands of excellent course evaluations over the last decade; yet, it is the THREE negative ones I received that I can repeat verbatim.  I know where I was when I received them and exactly what they said.


People can be unreasonable.  They can be mean and ugly, especially when hiding behind a screen somewhere far away.  They say things they have no business saying.  There is no doubt.

Now, should people weigh in on other people’s looks (or weight, or education, or anything else)?

Hell no!!!!!!


Is society’s view of women, unrealistic?  YES!  Yes.  Yes.



Here’s the thing, WE are society.  All of us.  People.  Good and bad.  Rude and supportive.


Before you say I don’t understand, here’s a little about me.  I was picked on and bullied incessantly as a young girl.  Not online but in person.  I had a severe overbite.  I have a darker completion than many.  I’ve always had big calves and didn’t get breasts until I was older than other girls.  My family was poor.  I didn’t have the most current (or cool) style of clothing.  I was not allowed to participate in after-school activities which gave people more reason to pick on me.  I was uncoordinated and awkward.  I didn’t fit in.

Several people I went to school with are on my page.  They can confirm everything I’m saying.

It sucked!

It does suck!

Online and in person.

It shouldn’t happen but it does.

So, here are my questions:

– – What was the ulterior motive for making this movie?

– – What was Erin (a film-maker, remember) trying to accomplish with her post?  Just trying to let us know people can be cruel?  Looking for increased social media interaction, perhaps?

– – Is she going to make a movie of the supportive comments being posted online about the movie and let us know about the positive side of things?


Our circles of influence are MUCH larger because of the internet.  That’s good AND it’s bad.

It’s much easier to share information.  It’s also much easier for people to voice opinions.

I think, because we are in an anti-bullying mindset (and that’s is a great and wonderful thing!) stories about the subject (both super positive and super negative stories) sell!!  They bring out emotion.  They make people react.

For that reason, we are being shown more and more of them.


Just my opinion, of course.  I’d love to hear yours.


  1. My pet peeve is seeing photos of people sticking their tongues out in some way that looks like they are broken, or crossing their eyes or making some weird face for a photo that makes it seem as though they are going out of their way to look ugly instead of natural. I have cousins that do this and then they think they are ugly. Well? Dah! They aren’t ugly, but why go out of your way to make yourself that way. If you do, then don’t complain when others make fun. People can be cruel to themselves and to others. I’m not sure what we get out of doing that though.

  2. Oh I saw that video too. I saw the amount of make up she used to cover up her acne. Somehow the whole thing made me uncomfortable.She’s in the very business of ‘cover up’ and ‘makeup’ – and it seemed that she herself was uncomfortable with her acne. I hardly ever use makeup too – no moral issues about people using it, it’s just the way I am. I have the most beautiful friend whose face was partially burnt in an accident who dares to work and live without any attempts to cover it up. She’s so comfortable with being who she is, that after the first meeting with her, you forget about her scars!
    Thank you for writing this.

    1. Thank you so very much for your comment, Corinne!!! Your friend sounds like an amazing person. I’m so glad she’s comfortable with herself.

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