I really try to focus on an abundance mindset in all areas of my life. And, I have to tell you, it can be difficult! It’s essentially that I will get everything I’m supposed to get, regardless of how much other people get. I struggle more in remembering this for my business and personal life than I do in eating but that’s likely because I’ve worked on a healthy eating mindset for a lot longer. The rest will come….I know it.
I know it, because I can clearly remember that I didn’t always have this mindset when it came to eating either.
It’s remembering that the wine, or cookies, or beer, or pasta, or whatever it is that you love, will be there tomorrow…and the day after that…and the day after that.
We don’t have to have it today just because it crossed our mind.
Now, even though it’s easier for me now, there are still plenty of times I struggle. Last week for example. I stayed at the Doubletree my first night in California. I LOVE their cookies. You know the ones. Those giant, chocolatey and nutty delicious cookies. They’re warm. They’re welcoming. They’re free when you check in. I want one!!
The second night, I moved to a different part of the city and checked in at the Hilton. They always leave Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies in my room. They’re right there on the bed when I walk in.
These cookies do not cross my mind on a normal day. I never think about them until I walk into the hotel. Then, I want all the cookies!!! My desire is triggered by seeing them. It’s easy for me to justify them because
(a) they are my reward for a tough day of traveling and
(b) they are right there in front of my face, attacking my senses.
Why would I refuse? I should have a cookie. My default behavior used to be to eat the cookies. My reward was a nice little sugar rush and a warm feeling in my tummy, because…I love cookies.
But….
It’s typically late when I check into the hotel, and I’ve spent the entire day sitting on my butt. The last thing my body needs before going to bed is a cookie.
And…
I travel a lot. This is where business travelers can pack on the pounds: there’s the free hotel breakfast buffet; a quick lunch (if not out of the vending machine or fast-food, maybe a catered working lunch – croissant sandwich, small salad – if you’re lucky – and dessert); dinner out (alone or with a client: either way, you’re exhausted from the day and are looking for comfort food) or at the free hotel evening reception, maybe a couple of drinks in the hotel bar, and the cookies. It adds up.
QUICKLY.
I’m in a hotel hundreds of nights each year.
Just focusing on the cookies, never mind everything else. If I eat a cookie (314 calories, 17 grams of fat and 39 grams of carbohydrates for the Doubletree or 230, 13, 26 in the Milanos) each night I’m on the road (4 nights a week), that’s 1,256 extra calories per week. 5,024 calories extra per month, and 60,288 calories each year that I travel.
On nothing but a cookie!!!!!! …a cookie to which most people would say, “what’s the big deal?”
You can easily see the problem! It’s a big friggin’ deal!!!!!
With an abundance mindset, I remind myself that I can have a cookie any time I want but not every time I want.
There will be another hotel and more cookies tomorrow. I know that! It’s still not easy and I’m not yet at a point where I can actually “trust” myself with the cookies so I’ve had to change my default behavior. Now, when I check in and they start to hand me a cookie or ask if I want one, I have to say, “no thank you”. Don’t even accept the cookie.
When I get to my room, I have to get rid of the Milano cookies and – I’m just going to be completely open and honest here – throwing them in the trash does NOT work. I will, in a moment of weakness, dig that package out of the trash and eat them. I’m not proud to say this but, the fact is, I’ve done it more than once. So, now, I open the package and flush them down the toilet. …as soon as I walk into the room.
The trigger is there.
My behavior has changed.
My reward has changed. Now instead of feeling guilty; I feel empowered. I make the choice to either eat or get rid of the cookies. I’m not eating them out of habit.
I’ve received a couple of messages from people who struggled to stick to their goals yesterday. That’s not uncommon. Weekends tend to be more difficult for many people. You’re not in your typical routine. Things are less structured, etc. We can undue all of the progress we made throughout the week in one weekend.
If you didn’t take care of yourself in the way you’d prefer yesterday; meaning it wasn’t in line with the goals you’ve set….
…we’re not going to say you “fell off the wagon” “were bad” or “failed”
Learn from it and get on with TODAY!!!
How do you do that?
1. Think, consciously about what happened yesterday.
2. Evaluate why you made the choice(s) you did.
3. Plan for how you might change your decision to be more in line with goals, the next time this situation happens (and it will).
For example:
Were you super busy and you didn’t have time to eat?
– – Keep something in your purse or your car (all the time, so that it’s there when you need it). I learned this in a hurry when I had a son playing football and a daughter cheering. They were on different teams with different schedules. Following sports, we’d have some type of scouting activity to go to. We’d leave the house in the morning and not get home until late in the afternoon.
– – Things like a couple of ziplock baggies with a scoop of protein powder; some unsalted almonds and raisins (or cranberries); high fiber cereal; or protein bars (find a variety that won’t melt, will all work. Pure Protein fit the bill. I’ll be honest: they are not the most tasty!!! They do provide nourishment though when you’re running on empty and don’t have time to stop and eat.
Were you sitting around the house, so you ended up munching all day?
– – When you’re bored, it can be easy to eat mindlessly. Ask yourself, “am I really hungry?” Have a glass of water, go for a short walk, think about something you’ve had on your to do list you want to get done, and start working on that. If you’re going to snack, get out one portion of whatever it is. That way, even if you decide to have a second portion, you’ll know how much you’re eating rather than being on auto-pilot.
Were you out with friends and you decided to have a drink or two?
– – So did I. I made a conscious choice though. I thought about what I’d done during the day and whether I really wanted a drink OR I was just going along with everybody else’s choice.
Personally I decided to order an IPA from a local brewery that I had not heard of before. I drank half of it but didn’t really like the flavor. Too grainy and too much of a hops taste. Not my favorite. As we sat there for a while – we were done eating and were just chatting – my husband said, “finish your beer so we can go” and I said simply, “I’m not going to finish it. I don’t really like it.”
** Here’s the thing. How many times do we pay for something at a restaurant and feel like we HAVE to finish it. I mean we paid for it…….
– – That beer cost me the same rather I drank the whole thing or I didn’t. We’re back to that “waste vs waist” concept I’ve talked about before. If I drank the rest of the beer, I wouldn’t have enjoyed it. I didn’t like it, AND then I would have consumed those extra calories merely so I would “waste $4”. Come on…… Where’s the reward in that? I would have been drinking it out of guilt.
How do you undermine your goals on the weekend? What do you struggle with?
Rant against society’s obligatory feelings tied to random numbers.
Rant, specifically, against using your age as an excuse, or letting others do that for you.
Here are just a couple of personal examples to give you an idea of what I’m talking about.
I went to the track a few early mornings at Mountain Home Air Force Base in Idaho. One of the Chiefs had some Airmen, including my daughter, out there at the same time. They were doing group physical training and I asked to join them. He let me. Once we had completed the workout and were stretching, he said to the Airmen, “You should be ashamed of yourselves. This woman is doing more pushups and running faster than you….and she’s old.”
WTH? Yup. It’s true. I have witnesses. PS, it might have had more to do with the fact that I’ve exercised throughout my life and these folks were just starting out. I don’t know.
– – – This had nothing to do with age though.
I went to the doctor’s in October, had an annual physical and a bunch of lab work. She told me, “You’re as healthy as a 36 year old woman.” I walked downstairs to get a flu shot and was told I was ineligible for the nasal spray. “Why? That’s what I got last year. I prefer it.” The girl at the desk said, “Because of your age. People over 50 have to get the shot.” It seems there are no exceptions for people over 50 who are as healthy as 36. I was slightly annoyed! Not gonna lie.
– – – This is a random imposed limitation based on age; it has nothing to do with the person.
It’s not just 50 either. My son had a herniated disc several weeks ago and needed to go in for surgery. His doctor told him, “At your age, you’re going to need to slow down.” At your age? He’s 30…and you’re a doctor!! My son has had back surgery. My daughter is having hip surgery in a few weeks. Not me. My children. If it was me, people would attribute it to my age, but…
– – – It seems like this is not age-based.
And it didn’t start at 50 for me either. From the time I was a teenager, through just two weeks ago, people have told me:
“You’re not old enough. Sure, you’re doing things now. You’re energetic, you’re full of dreams, you’re still able to work hard. You don’t understand. You’ll slow down when you’re 30, 35, 40, 45, 50…last week it was 90.”
No I don’t understand.
I don’t understand why I would allow ANY generic number to restrict the way I live my life. This includes the number of pounds I weigh, displayed on a scale and the number of years displayed on my birth certificate!!
– – – These are societally expected limitations; they have nothing to do with the person.
If it’s bothered me for a while, why am I just mentioning it today? Well, for a couple of reasons.
First, a friend of mine stopped me on the street the other day. “Debbie, I’m now 56. I like to run and it doesn’t cause me any pain but should I stop running? I mean, because of my age?” She feels fine yet this is what she’s been told.
– – – This is a societally expected limitation, which has the potential to turn into a self-imposed limit based on age; it has nothing to do with the person.
Then, when I was talking with someone about my challenges in trying to learn so many new technological and social media things recently (I created my own website, started a business page for Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and am learning about Speakpipe and Periscope), my friend said, “It’s our age. I can’t keep up with any of it, either.” Look, it may not be intuitive because I didn’t grow up using a computer beginning when I was two (like my grandchildren) but I am also not willing to give up learning new things because I am “a certain age”. A few years ago, I had a friend – a Bataan Death March survivor – who was showing me things on his computer. He was 87 at the time.
– – – This is a societally expected limitation, which has the potential to turn into a self-imposed limit based on age; it has nothing to do with the person.
And…then there was this Disney Princesses Age. Which just made me laugh, and pushed me over the edge. 🙂
I’m ranting. It bothers me! Know this, though. I’m not immune. Knowing that the only one limiting us is ourselves, and actually doing something about it are two different things! I’ve never cared how old anybody else was, how much they weighed, the size of their pants, nor about any other random number that was assigned to them. But those numbers assigned to me? Well, that was a different story altogether!!
In fact, until June of 2014, I never told anyone my age. I didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t want anyone to think I couldn’t do something because of my age. I also didn’t want them to think I was “amazing” because I was doing things at “my age”. That happened in a boot camp class. I was working hard. A total stranger came up to me after class and asked how old I was. I said, “just a little older than you” and her response was, “Wow. I sure hope I’m in half the shape you’re in when I’m your age.” It was meant as a compliment. You know how you make that happen? Keep working out!!
– – – This is a societally expected limitation, which has the potential to turn into a self-imposed limit based on age; it has nothing to do with the person.
In 2014, I celebrated my 50th birthday and decided that I would face the fact, publically. It took me a few days after my birthday to work up the courage to actually put it out there. I had just brought home three new trophies from a figure competition. There was NO reason I should have felt less of anything, but somehow having other people know I was 50, bothered me. It bothered me a lot. After a few days of brooding, I did it anyway. I stopped hiding.
– – – This WAS a societally expected limitation, which had the potential to turn into a self-imposed limit based on age; it had nothing to do with the person.
Now, if I want to be honest about my personal aging. Is anything different? Sure!
I now wear glasses to read. That bothered me for a long time. I was very self-conscious of putting them on my face. What to hell? I have friends (several) in their 20s and 30s who wear glasses. I know plenty of people who have worn glasses their entire life.
– – – Evidently, glasses aren’t limited to a certain age.
I no longer have aspirations of being an MMA champion, or competing on American Ninja Warrior. That’s not because I’m in my 50s. It’s because I haven’t trained in those things and, at this point, I don’t feel like putting in the time commitment, or effort, that doing those things would require.
– – – Changing goals is not always age based.
I don’t like to sit for long periods of time. Scoliosis has rendered some limitations in my back and neck. That developed when I was 13 or 14 and my niece has it too. Even with that, I can deadlift more and squat deeper than I have ever been able to in my entire life.
– – – Scoliosis is not based on age. Weight training is not age limited.
PS, the kid sitting next to me on the plane is also having a (VERY) hard time sitting still!
– – – – Antsie-ness is not based on age.
I now don’t run as much as I used to. Not because of my age but because I never enjoyed running and now I know I don’t have to. There are plenty of other ways for me to exercise. I have a few friends who recently ran their first half and full marathons. They were, gasp, 50. I’m training for a powerlifting completion. This was their first; it will be my first.
– – – Starting new things is not based on age (and neither is stopping things).
I don’t look like I’m 20. Guess what? When I was 20, I didn’t look like I was 6, either. My life was a mess at 20, short of making my son a baby again; there is NO reason I would want to go back to that time of my life. Here’s the thing. Every single person on the face of this earth, you, me, and everybody else is aging. We’re the lucky ones!
As we get older metabolism decreases, bone density may decrease, we may have had more injuries, which carry more scar tissue. At some point we go through menopause or see dips in testosterone. Those hormonal changes, change things. When I’m 90, my body may require me to slow down.
In the meantime, it’s super easy to use random numbers as an excuse.
Yes, I am older but I am not old. My age does not define me – that number, by itself, tells you nothing about me at all. Today I am smarter, more courageous, more experienced, and the strongest I have ever been. I’m also happier and have less tolerance for drama and no need to compare myself to anybody else.
This isn’t about me!! It’s about every single one of us. All I can offer you is my perspective for consideration.
If you don’t want to do something, don’t do it but own your decision! Don’t use the numbers as your excuse!!
If you haven’t exercised in years, if you’ve never eaten well, if you’ve worked too many hours with far too much stress and too little rest, THOSE are the things that have caused you to get to the place you are today. It’s not “your age”. Know what?
You can change any of these things if you decide you’d like to. You can change your life, at any age.
There is so much we’re trying to accomplish, isn’t there?
I mean, we have work, family, community, friend, and personal commitments. It can be difficult to fit everything in. This is definitely true for me!!
My commitments might be different than yours. Yours might be different than everyone else’s.
But, you know what? I don’t know of anyone (anyone!) who just wakes up each day without any type of responsibility. Maybe you’re taking care of children. You’re studying for a class. You’re preparing for a competition. You have a project at work. Whatever. There IS something you need to get done!
I read a fantastic article the other day covering 5 things we can do in order to FOCUS on what needs to get done. I thought the perfect time to share this would be Monday.
Now, before we address the steps, for illustration purposes, let me tell you about just 3 of the things I’m working on, and why creating an environment of focus is so important for me personally.
I want my human resources business to continue to be successful. It’s been a lot of work creating this company
My businesses are a priority.
from nothing. It is a lot of work staying up with constant travel, and changes. I need to read regulations and proposals, constantly. I need to keep my handbooks and presentations current. So far today (I’ve been up for 6 1/2 hours) I’ve written 3 proposals – they take 45-60 minutes each; set up complete travel arrangements for 3 trips; reconciled credit card reports; taken half a dozen phone calls; and answered e-mails for one hour (I set a timer…most of these have required research. I’ll save the easy ones for later when I’m tired and don’t need to apply so much brain power. )
Not only does this provide my income (it’s my “job”) but I also know, based on constant feedback that I receive, that I am making a difference with the training I provide and that’s important to me.
I am a helper.
Always have been. It is what drives me, at my very core.
I am motivated (in all things) by being able to make things just a little easier for others. That might be by making things easier to understand; and, therefore, less stressful. It might be helping to carry the load. It might be helping someone with their diet and exercise so that they can feel better and worry less about their health.
For the human resources stuff, when I get feedback, like I did two days ago, from a former Pennsylvania dairy farmer turned government employee (because of some serious medical issues, he was forced to sell the farm) and his wife, it quite literally brings tears to my eyes. This is why I need to focus on being comprehensive and accurate. He said, “Debbie, we simply can’t thank you enough. We were very worried about making these decisions. They affect our lives. We’ve talked for hours and my wife has done tons of research but that only added to our confusion. You’ve made it so easy. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You didn’t make it more complicated than it had to be. You didn’t tell us what to do. You didn’t even give us your opinion. You gave us the facts, and told us how to think about it and make our own decision. What you do is invaluable. We are now confident in making the best choice for the two of us.”
My clients are a priority.
I want Family & F.I.T. to become a resource for people. Helping people realize they can stay healthy, and fit, without spending hours in the gym everyday – no matter how busy they are – no matter how crazy their life, is super important to me.
Today I kicked off my #GetB2B program so I’ve been writing content and responding to personal e-mails. I had to re-do and re-submit my LLC registration paperwork, wrote new plans for two clients, and spent 45 minutes working on the membership site that will open on 1 September.
Here, too, I’m helping.
I’ve given a lot of time, some money, and a few sleepless nights managing this page. It’s a passion. Sometimes I wonder if it’s making a difference at all. Last Thursday, I received two messages; and Friday three more (perfect timing!!!!!!) affirming that it IS helping people.
That’s enough to keep me going.
To do so, though, I need to find the time to research information, stay up to date, post blogs, and answer questions. It doesn’t “just happen”.
I need to take care of myself, or I can’t help anybody else.
…and I am a priority!
I exercise pretty routinely because I KNOW how important it is to my body and also my mind! I make time for this! Throughout August though, I’m participating in the #20x20challenge as an added layer of personal accountability. I have (another) coast to coast flight tomorrow so I need to prepare some things to bring with me as I travel. I refuse to leave this up to chance.
How do I get stuff done? How can you?
1. Schedule your solitude.
I love this quote, “Collaboration and connecting with others is a beautiful thing, but in the end, creation is done in solitude. All great art is done in isolation. All creative work must be done by shutting out the outside world, sitting down, and creating.” – Leo Babauta
From a work perspective: With my travel schedule, this is a challenge for me. Either I’m exhausted, or I am finally getting some down time and don’t feel like doing anything. Sometimes I have a headache. Sometimes my brain is just fried. It’s hard to think when you’re tired or stressed. It’s hard to be creative when you’re merely attempting to put out immediate fires. It’s hard to consider new ideas when you are inundated with too much.
From a workout perspective: Find the time to fit some exercise into your schedule. Remember, that this can be whatever you enjoy. It might be going to the gym, going for a walk, taking a jog, doing an exercise video in your living room, or dancing around with your kids/grandchildren.
Solitude has to get on the calendar. It has to be non-negotiable!
I am not a morning person. I don’t like to get up, regardless of how long (or short) I have been sleeping. The only time I can fit this in, though, is super early in the morning. As soon as I get up, I set my intention for the day. Perhaps for you, it’s during your lunch break or once you’ve put the children in bed.
Here is a snapshot of my desk at this very moment.
2. Clear your desk, and work in an uncluttered area.
From a work perspective: I’m not going to lie. This is a challenge for me. I excel at pile management. I always
have 8 million things I’m working on, and they’re piled up all over the place. I know for a fact, that I’m more productive if I work in an uncluttered space. Thank goodness for so much time in hotels!!
From a workout perspective: This is the easier part for me. I go the gym (either the “actual” gym or in my basement home gym). Get out of your typical environment. Again, it’s fine to workout at home but have a specific place where you do that.
When you’re in your space, focus on what it is you’re attempting to accomplish. Nothing else.
3. Disconnect from the Internet.
Yes, shut it off!! Everything. No FB, no e-mail, no Pinterest, no automatic messages popping up on your cell phone. We’ve gotten to a point of thinking we need to be available every second of every day. The world is not going to end if you’re offline for an hour of so. I promise. I know, it sometimes feels like that.
From a work perspective: When you get on the computer to accomplish something, shut down all of the other programs. That incoming e-mail notification is going to be a distraction, whether you actually go to the message or you don’t.
From a workout perspective: Resolve to use nothing except your workout log and/or music. Trying to workout while checking email, texting, or playing solitaire (I’ve seen it…..please just don’t) is a waste of your time.
As you start your project (work or workout), shut off the cellular service function of your phone.
Take it one step further by hitting “do not disturb”.
4. Focus on just one thing.
I’m working on this one.
The way that I handle it is by setting specific blocks of time throughout the day. This 30 minutes is only for checking e-mail. This hour is only for working on a blog. This hour is only for preparing proposals.
“It’s not ONLY one thing. It’s only one thing at a time.” – Gary Keller.
5. Use simple tools.
This, too, is about limiting distractions.
Jon Goodman shared this quote the other day. “Apples have fallen on people’s heads since man first stood upright on two legs and walked under apple trees. But Isaac Newton was the first one to perceive the significance of this event.” – Rollo May
Think about that for just a second.
How many apples have fallen on your head without you thinking about them?
How many opportunities have come your way (even yesterday) which you missed because you were too distracted to even see them?
From a work perspective: I had a perfect example of this last week. One of my customers placed their order for handbooks too late for the production plant to get them out prior to our scheduled class. I was too busy to give this much thought. It crossed my mind but I was too fractured to actually think….until the morning of class. I had finally had a good night’s sleep. I finally had 10 minutes to truly focus on the issue. I came up with a solution at 630. Class started at 730. “Disaster” averted. While everything worked out, it sure would have been nice to have had the time to figure this out a few days in advance.
From a workout perspective. Don’t make things more complicated than they need to be. There are a lot of things advertised out there as “new” but the fact is your “old” standard exercises work. You don’t need a new program. You don’t need some fancy new gadget. You don’t need the latest video. You need to move your body. Someone sent me a text yesterday. “I can’t afford to go to the gym right now. If I workout at home, is it as effective?” YOU bring the intensity to your workout. You can have effective workouts or be wasting your time in the gym. You can have effective workouts or be wasting your time at home.
I have a notebook. Yes, you read that correctly. An actual lined-paper, coil-bound notebook. Several of them. One for my to do list, one for my workout (plan and log), one for miscellaneous thoughts, one for blog ideas.
The notebooks are simple. I can use them, even on the plane or if my laptop/phone batteries are dead (which is sadly, quite common). There are no distractions. I don’t have to be continually logging into some tracking app on my phone. There are no flashing lights, no pop-up messages, nothing competing for my attention.
Stay focused. Implement even one or two of these tips and see if it makes a difference for you. I’ve been completely honest in sharing that I don’t do all 5 on a consistent basis.
Some people (lots of people, actually) complain about selfies.
“What’s the point?” they ask.
“Only people stuck on themselves post selfies.” they say.
“Nobody wants to see you in a bathing suit.” they posit.
Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
Well, I personally LOVE selfies! I encourage all of my clients to take them.
I LOVE THE KIND OF SELFIES WHERE PEOPLE CAN ACTUALLY SEE THE DIFFERENCE THEY’VE MADE.
We’ve talked – how many times? – about the fact that your body can change without there being a change in the scale. Sure, that’s one measurement.
==> … but there’s so much that can affect it
How much water you drank yesterday, how much sodium you took in yesterday, where you are in your monthly cycle, etc. etc.
==> … and the scale doesn’t distinguish where the weight is coming from.
My hair weighs something, as do my boobs, my muscle, my body liquids, AND my fat.
Taping your measurements is another thing we can look at to monitor progress.
I also ask every one of my clients to take pictures as they start a program. NOT to make them feel badly about the state of their body but so they can actually see what they look like AND (more importantly) so that we can compare pictures as they go through time.
I LOVE THE KIND OF SELFIES THAT SHOW HOW MUCH MORE CONFIDENT A PERSON FEELS.
I LOVE THE KIND OF SELFIES WHERE PEOPLE ARE LEARNING TO APPRECIATE THEIR BODIES, AND ACCEPT COMPLIMENTS ON THEIR ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
I LOVE THE KIND OF SELFIES WHERE YOU CAN SEE THAT PEOPLE ARE HAPPIER.
I LOVE THE KIND OF SELFIES WHERE PEOPLE SHOW WHAT THEY ARE CAPABLE OF.
I LOVE THE KIND OF SELFIES WHERE PEOPLE HAVE DECIDED TO GET STARTED ON A CHANGE.
I LOVE THE KIND OF SELFIES WHERE YOU CAN SEE THE BEFORE, THE AFTER, AND THE AFTER AFTER.
I wrote this as a guest blog for my friend, Becky, owner of B Kinetic Fitness, but I wanted to share it here too. It’s that important!!!
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Man, it’s been hot! I was in Seattle last week and Albuquerque this. It’s been over 100 degrees on a couple of days. I’m not complaining. I like the heat – but wow!
So, clearly, we all know that summer has arrived. This season, more than any other, causes anxiety for countless people. Oh sure, we look forward to the warm weather; longer days, barbecues, and family get togethers.
It’s those pesky trips to the beach that become the concern.
Shorts? Eek. Tank tops? A bathing suit?
Like clockwork, as the weather warms up and the beaches open, a lot of people start dieting – start “working on that summer body” and trying to get a “bikini bod”. Did you know that the start of summer is actually the 2nd most popular time to diet? Second only to the start of the New Year!
Now, while the idea of starting a diet is popular, actually making changes in diet and exercise are quite typically short-lived at best. We feel good. We’re enjoying ourselves. There ARE the get togethers, the vacations, frozen margaritas, ice cream and s’mores.
At least, we feel good at the time. Shortly thereafter, many of us feel guilty because we didn’t keep our commitment to the diet. Isn’t it crazy to feel guilty about enjoying yourself? But we do.
Ugg. I hate diets. I really do. I think we all do. Have you ever heard anyone say, “I can’t wait to start a diet?”
Even the word itself causes a reaction. Die-t. No thank you, I want a life!
What do you think of when you hear the word, “diet”? Just think about it for a minute. Write down your thoughts before you read any further.
Did you think about it? If you’re anything like me, you might have thought about
Measuring
Monitoring
Being hungry
Going without the things you love
Being unhappy and miserable
Those feelings seem to be quite universal. I did a survey on my Facebook page a couple of months ago asking people why they think diets fail. The overwhelming response was, “because they make me feel deprived.”
Here’s the thing: it really (really, really, really) doesn’t have to be that way. Let’s keep this simple by focusing on 3 key points in 3 different areas.
I. First work on mindset.
What if you weren’t so concerned about being “less”? What if you focused on:
Getting more healthy, instead of eating less?
Getting stronger and more fit, instead of weighing less?
Getting more energy by exercising, instead of “having” to exercise in an effort to get smaller?
II. Then work on nutrition.
Don’t go “cold turkey” and eliminate everything you love to eat. It is a proven fact that incremental changes are more easily converted to habits and; therefore, much more sustainable than extreme actions. Change only one thing at a time.
Apply a mindset of moderation. For example, if you normally eat a king-sized bag of Doritos, buy only one individual-sized bag. If you normally drink a lot of soda, cut your consumption by 1/3 or even just 1/4. Do that for a week or two and then decrease it again. If you normally have dessert after dinner, start having just half of what you typically do.
Be mindful of what and why you’re eating. That means, focus on the act of eating.
Don’t eat in front of the television or your computer. Don’t eat while multi-tasking. If you come into the house, grab that large bag of chips, plop onto the couch, pull out your iPad or turn on the television, that bag is going to be gone and you won’t even remember putting your hand to your mouth. That doesn’t even count the can of dip you cleaned out with these chips, either. Don’t carry the bag to the couch. If you don’t have an individual serving, get out one serving in a bowl. When it’s gone, it’s gone and you’ll notice it. Even if you go back for a second helping, there’s no denying it – you’ll KNOW what you’re doing and you’ll have to decide whether you really want to have more or not.
Why are you eating? If it’s because of stress, emotion, or because you’re bored, find something else to do. Call a friend. Go for a walk.
III. And add a little movement.
I’ve called it “movement” vs “exercise” to remind you that you don’t need a full-blown exercise “plan” to start. Just do something…..anything. Anything you will do and you enjoy.
Commit to doing something active for 15 minutes a day. That could be walking, dancing, bicycling, or doing some basic exercises in your living room. Again, anything you like.
Find easy ways to keep your body moving throughout the day.
For example:
Take the stairs vs the elevator (soooooo many people forget about the stairs. This really became apparent to me a few weeks ago when there was a high school soccer team at the same hotel as myself. There would, literally, be a line at the elevator as none of the kids would take the steps!!!! I know those guys were healthy enough to walk up a flight of stairs).
Park a little further from your office, or the store, door.
Get up and walk for 5-10 minutes each hour or so at work – it’s not only good for your body but also your mind! You’ll find you get more done when you return to the desk.
As I enjoy the last few sips of my coffee, I am scrolling through some of my photo albums. It’s a beautiful day. The sun is shining, there’s a light breeze, I have coffee, and these memories warm my very soul.
This isn’t just a travel expose though. Stick with me until the end.
This has to do with health and fitness too.
This has to do with life.
Somebody told me, the other day, that I’m “lucky”.
While certain things can happen purely through luck or happenstance, I believe we can also create our own. We can make ourselves available. We can put ourselves in a position to be able to accept “luck” when it falls in our laps.
Palau, Federated States of Micronesia
Lucky? Maybe. Fortunate? Absolutely!! I have been fortunate, truly fortunate, enough to have traveled extensively. Just about every single state in the US, throughout Europe, Asia, and Oceania.
I can’t name a favorite place although I have favorite memories from each. Among them:
– Camping & diving on the beaches of Okinawa, Japan with my family. Diving with the submarine. Dragon boat racing.
Truk, Federated States of Micronesia
– Driving though an entire field of sheep, in the middle of nowhere, outside Aviano, Italy with my niece. Cappuccino!!! Real, cappuccino. Pizza in Venice, and almost being arrested for taking pictures of grapevines. Being jacked up for carrying a fork in my suitcase.
– Navigating the Paris subway and eating gelato in the courtyard of Notre Dame with another niece. Walking for hours every day. The gum tunnel. London Eye. Eating my hand-carried lunch on the Eiffel tower. Almost being arrested for taking pictures of the National Police. Hmm. I’m starting to see a pattern here.
– Finding beautiful flowers tucked among ancient abbey ruins, and wasting time at Stonehenge with my sister. Scones. THE most amazing tea house in the middle of nowhere. Driving ,and driving, and driving…
– Camping on the shore, and roasting marshmallows, in Bar Harbor with my other sister. Listening to her complain about my driving as we went up Cadillac Mountain. Lobster rolls.
Eiffel Tower, Paris, France
– Camping in Yellowstone. Baby bison. Mountain goats.
– Touring the Guinness Factory, and seeing the colored doors of Dublin, Ireland.
– Having fresh, roasted sardines on the street in Lisbon, Portugal.
– Walking on the beach, talking with a local about our cultural differences in the Azores.
– Enjoying Pide Ekmeği at a rooftop restaurant, and fresh rolled-on-the-street cigarettes, just outside of Adana, Turkey.
– Black, and green beaches in Hawaii. SUP with dolphins and diving with sea turtles.
– Our last night dive in Truk. Just me, my husband, and a beautifully encrusted WWII shipwreck. Moonlight. Fish. Jellies.
– Speaking of jellies, Jellyfish Lake in Palau. Giant parrot fish and sharks.
…and so on, and so on, and so on. Such amazing memories!!!
Tower. Pisa, Italy.
Let me be 100% clear – this is where I want to make sure you see more than just the wonderful places I’ve traveled to.
None of this was given to us.
Neither of us were born into well-to-do families with lots of money and great travel experience. They didn’t (still don’t) travel. We both grew up in small towns in Maine. Our families did not have a lot of money; necessities were covered but little extra. When we met, Brent was eating Chef-Boy-Ardee pizza and Ramen. I was a single mother raising my two children and a foster child on just over $400 a month.
Brent had been on a road trip from Maine to Alaska when he was 5; and had traveled to Carolina, California, Cuba, South Korea, and Japan as a Marine. I had never been on a plane until I was 31 years old. To that point, I had been throughout New England and Florida only.
Tower Bridge, England.
Travel (and LIFE) happened because of choices we made.
Brent got his degree by putting himself through college. He worked from 9 pm until 7 am, and went to school during the day. I began bettering my situation by taking a job on rotating shifts. I would work 7 am to 3 pm for a few days and then 11 pm to 7 am and then 3 pm to 11 pm. Let me tell you, it’s not easy to be changing hours all the time. You never actually settle into a sleep pattern. It was what I needed to do, and after doing odd jobs (I cleaned houses, worked as a baker in a grocery story, a clerk at a convenience store, and a nursing assistant among other things) it was nice to do something more substantial.
– This was a choice.
Liverpool, England
Together we agreed that Brent would go back into the military. Not easy. We had to leave life-long family and friends. When we got on the plane that first day, headed to Japan, it was our family of four against – and out into – the world.
– This was a choice.
I couldn’t find work when we arrived on Okinawa so I volunteered. I wasn’t being paid, and I knew nothing about the military (nothing!!!), yet I took a job working 50-60 hours a week in a very fast-paced military customs and courtesies office.
– This was a choice.
After a year of volunteering, a paying position was created. Hooray! At that point, I also started going to school. I had never completed college and realized I wouldn’t be competitive for promotion without a degree. Life became 40-60 hours of work per week, plus college classes and homework. Remember that I also had two children at home.
– This was a choice.
We moved to Florida and both continued to work. I enrolled in school: this time earning my BA. Working 40 or more
Dublin, Ireland
hours every week, plus college classes and homework. Two kids in high school. Not easy!
– This was a choice.
Once I earned my Bachelor’s, I had an opportunity to change careers. It would mean I would move into an area I knew absolutely nothing about. I sat in my office and did nothing but read regulations for 8 hours a day. Not fun!
– This was a choice.
Long story short. We moved. We moved again. I went back to school. We moved again. Etc. Etc.
I ultimately started my own company, which has provided a means for me to travel the world.
Bad Dürkheim, Germany
Here’s the thing:
Had we not made a choice to leave our families and go into the military
Had we not made a choice to sacrifice both time and money in order to go back to school
Had we not made the sacrifice of time to work as hard as we did
Had we not made a choice to take risks (I started a new career 3 times)…I would have not had the skills necessary to start my own business.
Had I not made a choice to ignore my fear and start a company…
*** We would not have had any of the opportunities that we have today. None of them. ***
Please don’t waste your life wishing for the things that you want. No matter what your goals are: to travel, to be happier, to learn something new, or to be more healthy – – –
Wishing does NOTHING for you. Look at your Opportunity Cost. Set priorities. Make choices.
You have to make different choices if you want something different.
If you would like to be more healthy, as an example:
You need to make a choice to eat better, which also means
You need to make a choice to eat less crap
You need to make a choice to drink more water
You need to make a choice to exercise, at least a little bit
You need to make a choice to do the things that make your life better, which also means
You need to make a choice to stop doing the things that make your life worse
You need to make a choice about which relationships are worth your time and effort, and which aren’t
You need to make a choice about whether you’re truly willing to do what is necessary to get you to your goal. No one can do that for you.
You got this! You really do…but only if you make the choice to make a change.
Wow!! My friend, and mentor, Jill Coleman just hit me over the head with something. She said:
“One thing that I think gets missed a lot in the health/fat loss/physique discussion is quality of life. We tend to ask, ‘What will work?’ instead of first considering, ‘What will I enjoy?’ And contrary to what you might think, ‘what you enjoy’ is probably not stuffing yourself and eating to your heart’s desire.“
Oh my gosh! Right? So right!!
Every single one of the “diets” out there WILL work if they result in you taking in fewer calories than you burn.
The question should not be – which nutrition plan should you follow.
The question should be – which way of eating is conducive to your lifestyle?
Which exercise program are you actually going to do because you enjoy it?
…and, while we may think it’s freedom to eat whatever we want, whenever we want, in whatever quantity we want, that’s simply not true!
Do you remember how crappy you feel when you overeat?
I certainly do!!
I used to do that every time my family went to a buffet. I literally could NOT walk out of a Golden Coral without feeling sick. I never intended to start out that way. I always began with a salad. Always. Then I just wanted a l
ittle of this, a little of that, a little more of something else, and I couldn’t possibly leave without getting dessert – plus, it was just a little. A little piece of carrot cake and a little sliver of chocolate cake, and some ice cream, and maybe a cheesecake square… I wasn’t hungry. Far, far from it. But I HAD to have dessert because it was there.
I’m not exaggerating! Either of my kids, or my husband, could confirm this behavior to you.
What to hell? Why? If all of that food is available, we think we need to:
For some reason, we feel like we need to, “get our money’s worth”. If we don’t stuff ourselves, we feel like it, “wasn’t worth it.”
It took me a long time, and a lot of hard work, to get out of that mindset. I stopped going to buffets for a very long time!!
Whether I stuff myself, and get sick, or I eat enough to satiate myself, I got my money’s worth!! I don’t need to set some record in eating a week’s groceries in one sitting!!!
Now I KNOW
– and I did then but this does take conscious effort
– I KNOW that I don’t need all of that food.
I don’t like feeling stuffed.
I don’t like heartburn.
I don’t like being uncomfortable and bloated.
Eating like that is not fun.
It’s not what I want to do.
….and if I don’t eat chocolate cake today because I ate hickory bourbon chicken and I’m really not hungry, I can have it tomorrow if I want, or the next day, or the day after that.
Here’s a story I shared with Jill. This happened just last night and shows how far I’ve come in my journey to embrace moderation. Last night my husband and I went to Panera Bread for dinner. He got home late and the restaurants around here fill up quickly on Friday nights. This is close to home and we both like it. I ordered a strawberry poppy seed chicken salad (not because I “had to” but because I truly love that salad!). I also ordered a piece of carrot cake since yesterday was our wedding anniversary (and I love carrot cake). I ate half of it. My husband asked if I was going to eat the rest (he doesn’t like it so we weren’t sharing). I said, “No. I’ve had enough.” I wrapped up the cake and brought it home.
Today I saw it in the refrigerator. There is absolutely NO reason that I need to eat that cake. We’re not celebrating. I’m not punishing myself and I have zero guilt about eating cake yesterday.
The entire piece of cake was 99 cents and yet I felt a pang of guilt as I threw it in the trash. That’s ridiculous!!! If I had eaten it, since I’m not really in the mood for carrot cake today, it would have been purely out of guilt. That would have been MORE ridiculous!!
Likely, if I were to drive to Panera right now, I could buy another slice. Carrot cake still exists in the world. I’m sure of it!!!!
On average, I travel 200 days a year for work. A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to relax on Catalina Island for 24 hours between jobs. Some of my favorite things are the ocean, the beach, sunrise and sunset. When I can combine a few of those – life is amazing, so there was little (actually less than that) question as I walked from the ferry to my hotel, that I would be up for sunrise. It didn’t matter that I would only get a couple of hours sleep.
Some things are worth giving up sleep for: talking to a friend or a loved one, enjoying time with my kids, snuggling with my grandbabies, walking on the beach, and getting up to enjoy sunrise.
I could choose to sleep or enjoy sunrise but not both. In economics this would be called an “opportunity cost”. We have only 24 hours in each day. If we decide to spend 1 hour sleeping, we can’t do anything else with that hour.
If we choose to spend two hours shopping, we can’t use that two hours anywhere else. If we choose to sit in front of the television for three hours, those hours are gone. If you want to start exercising, you’re going to need to “make the time” by giving up something else. Here’s a challenge. What one healthy habit would you like to start? What one other thing could you give up in order to make space for your healthy habit?
Every single moment of every single day of your life has an opportunity cost. We just typically refer to it as “setting priorities”.
Sometimes we’re willing to pay the cost, sometimes we aren’t. When I first started competing, I gave up many other things. I hired a coach and joined a national team. My nutrition plan contained very few carbs: I gave up everything I enjoyed – down to and including fruit.
My workouts consisted of an hour of weight training and 30 minutes of cardio 5 days a week (1 day was just weights, 1 day was just cardio, otherwise I had two workouts per day with 1 day for rest). As I got closer to competition, my carbs consistently decreased, I maintained the 5 days of lifting every week but cardio increased to 30-45 minutes 6 days a week, and on half of those days, I was doing cardio twice a day. The price I paid was giving up sight seeing, personal relationships and lots of sleep.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being on stage. I love the friends I’ve made at the competitions. As time went on, though,I started to think about the opportunity costs I was paying. I determined they were too high.
I wanted other things in my life. I started to refocus on moderation, balance, health and this one life that I have. I added every food group back into my diet. I had my first apple in 2 years. I refuse to pay the price of guilt any more. When I feel like a treat, I have it. I savor it. I take my time enjoying the smell, the flavor, and consistency.
I am no longer willing to sacrifice everything else for the sake of creating a certain look. I lift 4 days a week, when I can, because I love it. If I’m tired, or have something else to do, though, I take a day off. I do 20-30 minutes of cardio a couple times a week, because my body craves movement. And, yes, I still compete but not “at all cost”. It’s a hobby and I have a limit on what I’m willing to pay.
What are your current priorities?
What are you willing to pay in opportunity costs to keep those commitments to yourself?
This blog isn’t about health and fitness, but it is about mindset. It’s a reminder that YOU are amazing, and intelligent. In fact, you are smarter than a rocket scientist!! I reminded myself of that just this afternoon.
Today, I taught a full auditorium (57 people) of aerospace scientists and engineers about Federal benefit programs, retirement, Social Security, a variety of insurance plans, and other things.
These people are very smart!!! The work they do is fascinating. We’re talking actual rocket scientist level stuff. While I love hearing their stories, and looking at their experiments, which they are always more than willing to share with me, much of it is beyond my level of comprehension.
I’m going to make some broad-brush statements about the group. Because they are so smart, they can be challenging to work with. They sometimes have difficulty understanding simple concepts. Many take things very literally. As a group, they have a very dry sense of humor. They don’t want answers – they want to know every step leading up to the answer, and the “why” behind everything. What takes me 15 minutes to explain in any other class can take 50 minutes with these folks.
I’ve had a few spend hours in my office filling up pages and pages of notebook paper with computations because they were trying to get to the bottom of a formula I told them we had to use.
“Why are you using that number?” “Because that is the mandated formula.” “But, why?” “I don’t know.” They sat in my office and did not quit until they had the answer as to why. They shared it with me. I never understood it. I never needed to. It didn’t change the fact that I had to use this specific formula, and it wasn’t anything I cared to take the time to figure out. I kept that piece of paper in my desk for years, though, and every time another scientist came in and asked me why, I showed them the calculations. They were always happy to see the work…
For them, the why is more than idle curiosity; it’s compulsion!
We work very well together. They appreciate me because I am very methodical and I keep them on point. I appreciate them because they keep me on my toes.
We were talking about something in class today – I don’t remember what specifically – when one of them cut me off. “Wow. That is a big deal. Thanks for sharing that with us, Debbie. Why don’t we know this already? I mean, we are a group of intelligent people…..”
(I’m going to defend him here. He’s not being arrogant. They really are intelligent. He wasn’t trying to say they were better than anyone else; he was just saying, “How could we not possibly understand such a thing? It’s an incredibly relevant piece of information you’ve shared with us.” He was amazed.
My immediate response was,
Yes, you are intelligent but you only know the things you know about. That’s true for all of us. Just because you didn’t know this, doesn’t mean you’re not intelligent. You’re not intelligent about brain surgery either. You probably don’t know much about early childhood development, cosmetology, or the latest physical fitness protocols and programs.”
At the risk of sounding pompous in quoting myself, I have to say that I think this is a great answer!!!
It applies to so many things!
In fact, this very thing has cropped up from time to time in my health and fitness business too. Some people have felt “stupid” asking for help.
If you were raised eating a whole bunch of garbage, not learning how to properly fuel your body, how would you know?
If you were raised in a society that has always told you to eat less, and workout more in order to lose weight, how would you know that is not correct?
If you’ve been taught that carbohydrates (or fat) should be avoided (and some of those preaching this information are “experts”) why wouldn’t you believe it?
We all have our area of expertise.
You can know a lot about a lot of different things but none of us knows everything about everything.
So here’s my question to you:
How are YOU smarter than a rocket scientist?
What is the one thing you’re really into? So much that you have read, and studied, and researched?
For me it would definitely be health and fitness. I’ve been interested in this since I was a teenager. I remember my mother always saying, “Debbie will be out there running, even it it’s 100 degrees. She will never stop exercising.” It would also be scuba diving, and the classes that I teach in benefits/retirement.
