Apr 20
Debbie Hatch | Family & F.I.T.
This post is about a little tough love. I want you to think about something and I want you to be 100% honest with yourself.
Are YOU holding yourself back? I think the answer is, “yes” and if it is – here are a couple more questions. Why? Why are you limiting yourself? What can we do to fix that mentality?
Before you even read one more sentence, please let me assure you:
You are not alone.
I am not judging you.
In fact, I do it too!! It’s part of the human condition. The last couple of paragraphs will tell you what happened to me tonight in the gym.
Here are some examples of what I’m talking about in holding ourselves back.
(a) I can go into almost any gym on almost any day of the week and see people there, sitting around on the equipment. Peddling the bi
ke so slowly that they might go 1/10 mile in an hour. Walking so slowly on the treadmill that they never break a sweat. The worst? A couple of weeks ago, in my home gym, there was a young man sitting at one of the machines playing solitaire on his phone!! No lie.
These people are physically capable of exercising; they’re merely choosing to limit themselves. I only want you to do what you can, but I really want you to do WHAT YOU CAN, not what you think you can.
If you have medical concerns of any sort, and even if you don’t, it’s a good idea to consult with your doctor before starting an exercise program!! But, assuming you are healthy and able to exercise, your skin will flush, your heart rate will increase, you may be somewhat short of breathe, and you will (you should) get sweaty!!!
Exclamation Point
(b) Saturday, I climbed the 900+ stairs to Exclamation Point – above Chimney Rock in North Carolina. It was challenging and I can definitely feel my calves today. Several of the ladies I saw there, didn’t hike. They rode the elevator to the restaurant mid-way and just sat waiting for friends and family. I overheard a small group talking. “Do you want to go to the top?” “No, I would die.” “No. I can look at pop’s pictures when he comes down.” “There’s no way I would make it.” Several others were meandering while texting or chatting on their phones; lagging far behind their family and friends.
To be clear, I’m not talking about people who CAN’T do it or who want to sit at the restaurant and relax. I’m talking about people limiting themselves; settling to look at photos because they assumed they couldn’t make it to the top without even trying.
In contrast, I saw an elderly couple hiking. He was using a cane and they were holding hands. They took turns helping each other. They were slow but he made it all the way to to top. She didn’t – she stopped to rest on a bench just below the summit. She did what she could!! It was incredibly inspiring to see them there! Enjoying the weather. Enjoying each other’s company. Enjoying the hike.
Chimney Rock
(c) You may have seen my post last week. My brother in law was visiting. Every time we went in or out, I always headed for the stairs. After a couple of times of this, he asked, “is there something wrong with the elevator?” No there isn’t. There is also nothing wrong with our legs and there’s no reason we shouldn’t walk up and down the stairs merely for the movement!
(d) I’ve seen many people press the handicap button to open doors and then stand there waiting, many times impatiently, for the door to open instead of using their muscles to pull the door open. If you CAN’T open the door, use the button. That’s why it’s there. But…
(e) I’ve had clients that are perfectly capable of lifting 5, 10 or even 15 pound dumbbells, yet they lacked the confidence to do anything but 2 pounders (even though their purse weighed more than that!). If you’re a true beginner and you can only lift 2 pounds, please, please, please lift 2 pounds.
I’m not talking about a lack of physical ability, strength, stamina, or anything else. I’m talking about a self-limiting mindset. Why are you afraid to be strong? Why are you limiting yourself?
So here’s my story.
I am in Salisbury, NC this week. I know a total of 6 people in this town but no one at the local gym. I was in the gym working out last night. There weren’t many people around so I was doing supersets (exercise A for 6-12 repetitions and then exercise B for 6-12; back to A; back to B, and so on).
I did one set of two different exercises and was going back to do my second set on the first exercise. My plates had been changed from 25 pounds to 35 pounds. I thought it was weird but I just assumed that I was tired, hadn’t been paying attention, and I must have put on more than I initially planned to. Assuming I had already done one set at this weight, I did the second set of the exercise. Headed back to my second exercise. My weight had been increased by 10 pounds. I did the second set at that weight and headed back to my first exercise for the final set. My plates had been changed from 35 pounds to 45 pounds.
Okay…..something was up!!!! I wasn’t THAT tired. As I did the final set of this exercise, I kept my eyes on my other exercise area, and then it happened!
I saw one of the guys who works at the gym, changing my weights. He added another 10 pounds!!! I walked over to him and said, “Excuse me. I’m using that.” Maybe with some attitude. He said, “I know, but I also figured you are stronger than you’re giving yourself credit for. I knew you could lift more than you had on there and sure enough…….you did!” Yup. He was right. I did.
I will not push myself to the point of getting injured nor should you!!!! I would not lift an amount I’m not comfortable with. I was in no danger. It was my head that was limiting me, not my body.
You can bet that I increased my weight on every single remaining exercise!!!!!
I had an excellent workout AND he gave me a free shirt. “For Strength. For Health. For Life.” for being such a good sport.
Do what you can – whatever that is. If you can only walk for 2 minutes; do it. Next week, walk for 3 and the week after that 5. If you can only (truly) lift 2 pounds; do it. Next week, lift 3 and the week after that 5. But do what you CAN.
I’ll bet money on the fact that you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for! So am I……..
Apr 15
Debbie Hatch | Family & F.I.T.
This could easily turn into a rant! It’s something I’m quite passionate about but I’m going to try to get my point across logically and with slightly less emotion than I feel. I am tired of the “holier-than-thou” attitude – from all sides of the fitness industry and it’s hard to be quiet.
The “pure” body image camp advocates loving our bodies no matter what shape we are, no matter what we weigh, and no matter what level of fitness we choose.
I love this. It motivates me to show self-compassion and acceptance.
The “pure” fitspo camp advocates pushing ourselves to extreme levels by doing everything necessary to get as ripped and shredded as possible. [If you’re not familiar with the word, it’s short for fitsporation – a cross between fitness and inspiration. It’s the photos and intended to be motivating phrases like “never give up”, “strong is the new skinny”, or “what’s your excuse?”].
I love this. It motivates me to work harder.
I refuse to cram myself into one of those little boxes. I have covered up both muscle and fat, because I was uncomfortable with each of them, and because people have commented about both at various times.
For me, it’s never been either or!
I love to compete and I carry more muscle than some people think a woman should!
I give 100% to my workouts, especially when I’m getting ready for a show. I do, “leave it all on the gym floor” and I personally have a sweatshirt that says, “Suck it up Buttercup”. The fitspo people love this about me. Many focused on body image, though, say this attitude is “too extreme”. They feel that by me heralding such slogans, I am shaming others into either working out like I do, or feeling like crap because they don’t. This is BS and, to be honest, it sounds a little judgmental to me.
Take Planet Fitness as an example. Yes, I’m bringing that up again. The “no judgment zone” is incredibly judgmental of people like me. Lunk alarms? Too much muscle is not welcome? Ummm…….
Bodybuilding and fitness competitions are not for everybody and that’s okay. There’s no judgment in that statement. Guess what? Running marathons, bull-riding, competitive volleyball, wine-tasting, sport fishing, distilling whiskey, playing guitar, barrel racing, knitting, and MMA are not for everybody either. I have friends who excel at each of those things!
I have no desire to do them myself and I don’t feel pressured to have to just because my friends are.
…but I am also okay with my imperfections, and carrying more weight than some people think I should.
There are days, and weeks, and months when I take a break. I work hard and have a life outside of the gym. Sometimes those other things require my full attention.
I love what my body can do – not just the way it looks. I have stretch marks. I have scars. And, yes (gasp) I have cellulite. Big friggin deal. Who doesn’t? I drink Bailey’s in my coffee every morning that I’m home (which isn’t often) and I like chocolate chip cookies. The body image movement is proud of me but fitspo thinks I “don’t have enough dedication”, and I’m “letting myself go”. Some think I’m trying to shame those who workout and measure everything they eat because they are “too extreme”. Nothing could be further from the truth.
We’re back to the topic we discussed a few weeks ago: either you’re on a diet or you’re not. Either you’re exercising or you’re not. Either you’re eating only tilapia and asparagus or you’re enjoying pasta and cookies without any limits. Either you’re shredded with a body fat so low you stop menstruating or you love every single thing about your body’s current state and set no personal goals at all.
Don’t both ends of the spectrum seem kind of extreme?
Don’t most of us actually live somewhere in the middle?
Can’t you eat healthier but also enjoy occasional treats? Can’t you exercise more than you are right now but not spend 2 hours a day, 5-6 days a week in the gym? Can’t you desire to lose weight or become stronger without body shaming?
The answer is a resounding HELL, YES!!!!
I am a grandmother, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a military spouse, a friend, a teacher, public speaker, business owner, and coach. I love to scuba dive, ride motorcycles, hike, camp, workout, scrapbook, shoot, teach, cook, and help people get healthy as well as fit – among many, MANY other things.
I AM NOT ONE-DIMENSIONAL AND I DON’T BELIEVE YOU ARE EITHER!!!
I am an emotional/stress eater. My mother fed me to celebrate and to lament. Those lessons, and my dependence on food in every situation, are deeply engrained.
I have never had a food “disorder”.
I do not believe in gimmicks and hard-core diets that eliminate entire food groups.
I have friends who compete and friends who don’t.
I have friends who have lost 100 pounds and friends who want to lose 100 pounds, or more.
I have friends who are now able to squat and deadlift more than their body weight and I have a friend who is proud because she increased from 3-pound dumbbells to 5-pounders this week.
I have friends who are finally kicking their soda habit to the curb and friends who have no desire to do that.
I have friends who exercise every single day for 30-45 minutes (or more) and I have friends who have just started walking 5 minutes a day.
I have friends who are training for their first 5K and friends who recently completed their first marathon.
I adore and support every single one of them in pursuit of their personal goals.
My world is not just black and white. There’s a LOT of grey….and yellow, blue, red, purple, and multi-colored starbursts! We come in a variety of shapes and sizes. We have different skin, hair, and eye color. We are different heights, with different passions, different goals.
We do not accept people putting us into boxes in any other areas of our lives. Why are we seemingly demanding it with health and fitness?
I refuse to choose body image OR fitspo. I choose both. I will work on loving everything about me – my body, and everything else – but I will still push myself to do more tomorrow than I can do today.
I eat tilapia AND cookies.
xo
Apr 09
Skills you don’t use continually get rusty. As humbling as it may be, if you don’t do something for a while, you’re probably going to have to take a few steps backwards, initially.
This is an area I’m continually struggling with. I love to give help but I’m not good at asking for it. The fact is, sometimes you just can’t do it al by yourself.
If you hope to get anywhere worth going to, you’re going to get a little messy. At least sweaty from the effort, but more than likely a little mud too.
Fighting against the bike does nothing but make you tired. Allowing it to dance under you; relaxing, and dancing with it, gets you were you want to go.
Ride within your ability but remember that you can do more than you give yourself credit for. Sometimes you don’t realize that until you find yourself smack dab in the middle of what you didn’t think you could do…
As much as you like climbing up hills, at some point, you ARE going to have to come down.
Every now and again, you are going to run over a sharp rock or a slippery root. It will happen and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Changing your mind mid-rut is incredibly difficult and indecision is dangerous. Pick one line – stick to that one until you get to the top.
It’s also important to watch those who have gone before you but make your own decisions.
85% of the time, acceleration is the right answer. 10% of the time, it’s using your clutch and changing gears; only 5% of the time, is the correct answer to squeeze your brake.
Apr 07
Debbie Hatch | Family & F.I.T.
Bear with me. Read the whole thing please….. this is from my heart.
This piece was originally written as a Facebook post on the day the photo was taken: a few days after my 50th birthday in June, 2014.
“This is my favorite picture from my photo shoot because it actually shows my hard work. This photo may offend some (in the current anti-fitspo sentiment) and if so, I apologize. That’s not my intent. I am not looking for comments nor compliments. I am comfortable enough in my own skin to no longer require external input, so please don’t feel that you “need” to say anything.
Sincerely, I hesitated to post this but; ultimately I am for a couple of reasons.
First, because I am a figure competitor, this IS me. I haven’t always looked this way. I worked hard to get to this point. I’m fully clothed (even wearing more than you’ve seen in my stage photos). My husband and family support me. Many of my friends also participate in this hobby (I love my fitness girls the best – you ladies rock!!!!).
There are three things I want to specifically point out in hopes that I might be able to help SOMEBODY.
(1) This was taken a week after my 50th birthday. It does not matter how old you are.
(2) I am 15 (Fifteen) pounds heavier in this photo than I was at my last competition over a year ago. The scale is a liar!!! Weight does not matter!! No, I don’t think I need to lose 15 pounds. If this photo makes a difference to even one person who drives themselves crazy weighing every day, I will be thrilled!!
(3) Several of my friends [and family too] don’t care for the “hard” muscular female body that I appreciate so much…..it’s not for everybody. Strangers make comments. People sometimes look at me oddly. I wear long sleeves when I teach. Close friends treat me like I’m a freak when I’m in show-prep. It’s all okay. Sincerely. I CHOOSE this lifestyle.
But what I wanted you (my friends and family) to see is that I [we] don’t always appear “overly” muscular. All of the pictures were taken on the very same day and yet my body is different in every one of them. Hard in the first one. Very soft in several of the others.
People used to make fun of my big legs and I’ve been told more than once that they’re “manly”. Well, I kind of like um!!!
Yup. This is me. No make up. No hair-do. No pretense. No cover-up. Just me. and I kind of like it.
Apr 03
Debbie Hatch | Family & F.I.T.
One of my favorite taglines is “Do what you can, when you can, with what you have available.” It’s quite clear to me and I know exactly what I mean by that statement. I had lunch with a friend yesterday, though, and we talked about it. It never dawned on me that people might have a completely different understanding than the one I intended.
This is one reason why it’s important to be open to receiving others’ input. This is also the reason I adore friends that don’t just agree with everything I say. Our perception is frequently different than that of others and I value discussions about these differences! I LOVE the ah-ha moments when I can say, “oh my gosh! I never even looked at it that way before!!” I learn in those moments, my mind is expanded, and it’s fantastic to see things from a different angle.
So when I say, “Do what you can, when you can, with what you have available”, what do I mean? Do I mean eat whatever you feel like whenever you want? Do I mean, don’t worry about exercising if you don’t feel like? Do I mean, cut yourself some slack, serious slack: don’t hold yourself accountable for anything, and just be happy with your non-action?
Sure, as long as you understand that doing what you’ve always done is going to give you the results you’ve always gotten, and you’ll need to be happy with that.
If you are comfortable right where you are now (and there is ZERO judgment if this is where you are. Cool!) – you don’t need to worry about changing anything. Be happy!!! Truly. But be aware that you have no right to complain about not meeting your goals. My husband likes Mountain Dew and potato chips. Am I going to consume those things? No. Do I judge him if he does? Nope. I’ve had people tell me that they “can’t believe I let him do that.” WTH? He’s a grown man, he makes his own choices but I do make him accept responsibility for those choices. He does not get to complain to me about gaining weight or feeling sluggish.
If you want to make changes, whatever those changes are (lose weight, gain weight, add muscle, get faster, get stronger, get healthier, potentially decrease medication, feel better, etc.) you are gong to need to change things!!!
There are three things I ACTUALLY mean when I say, “Do what you can”
1. Accept yourself as being human. Stop beating yourself up over having a less than perfect day BUT keep working on making improvements.
Here are a couple of examples. First, many clients come to me struggling to tame the soda sugar monster. Do what you can where you are right now means: decrease your soda by 25% the first week, and by another 25% the second. Keep doing this. Switch from regular to diet. Is it “good” for you? No. Does it have sodium and chemicals in it? Yup. It’s not about perfection. It’s about improvement. Drink a glass of water before each soda you have.
Don’t like water? Yes, it’s okay to put in a little Mio or similar flavoring for a while. Use less next week and less the week after. I’d prefer you drink plain water but if you’re only going to drink water with flavoring in it, drink flavored water.
Can’t seem to break the habit of having a bag of chips after work every day? Buy one individual bag on your way home in the evening – don’t keep them in your house, and don’t buy the super king-sized bag because it’s “a better deal”. Remember my waste or waist philosophy? Try sweet potato, bean, baked chips or pretzels one time. Have chips only 3-4 times this week instead of 5, and reduce that by 1 again next week. If it’s crunchy you’re looking for, try a healthy cereal (measure out one serving – don’t eat the entire box. In that case, you might as well have had your chips). If it’s salty you’re looking for, have a few salted nuts or make some baked pita chips.
Baked Pita Chips
Preheat oven to 375. Cut each pita into quarters and then cut each quarter in half to make 8 triangles. Place them on a cookie sheet or baking stone and spray lightly with olive oil. Sprinkle on a little salt, pepper, cumin, garlic, or cinnamon. Bake for about 10 minutes, until crisp, turning once.
2. Deal with your limitations by finding a way to work within them.
Look, we all have limitations. We’re all busy and we have lives beyond just diet and exercise. Deal with it. Do what you can with what you have.
Can’t afford to buy organic vegetables? Then buy the bagged greens or frozen veggies (no extra sauce or butter). Can’t afford grass-fed, high quality meat? Buy bagged frozen chicken and tell the “purists” to shut up.
You have no time to cook breakfast, or dinner? You either have to make the time by getting up a little earlier or doing a better job of preparing quick things. I make a dozen protein pancakes on Sunday and throw them in the freezer. I can toss them in the toaster oven in the morning, spread on a little peanut butter (or not) and, worst-case scenario I can eat them as I’m dashing out the door to the airport.
Have a protein shake with almond milk, kale or spinach, protein powder and maybe some fruit. That takes a minute to prepare.
I have lots of 15 minute or less recipes on my Family & Fit FB page. The crockpot can be a lifesaver during busy weeks. Again, on Sunday, my husband grills a giant package of chicken and I cut up some veggies. They’re always in the fridge. Do I want to eat that every day? No. But if it’s been one of those days, dinner is already prepared. 
The kids take up all of your time in the evening and you can’t cook a healthy meal?Have them help you! I haven’t met a child yet who doesn’t love to be in the kitchen. My grandchildren have their own recipe box and one of Hayden’s favorite things to do is search Pinterest for things we can make. One of his favorites is:
Fish & “Chips”
Preheat oven to 350. Spray a cookie sheet, or line with foil. Place 2 cups crips rice cereal into a gallon ziplock bag and crush coursely (this is his favorite part and likely why he picks the recipe). Put this into a large, deep bowl. Beat 1 e.g. and 1 tbsp water in a separate bowl. Cut 1 pound of cod, haddock, or other firm white fish, into pieces (3-4″ long and 2″ wide). Season the fish with 1 tsp Italian seasoning, salt, and pepper. Dip into egg; drain. Place in cereal and turn to coat all sides. Place on cookie sheet. Place cut veggies (zucchini and carrots) on same sheet – drizzle with oil and sprinkle with seasoning. Bake 20-25 minutes.
What if you don’t even have the time or energy for any of this? My friend, Brooke Kalanack, recommends having a few local restaurants programmed into your cell. Places where you know you can get a healthy decent meal (protein and veggies – not a Sonic hotdog and giant shake). If all you can do is call in a pick-up or delivery order, that’s fine. …and then don’t worry about whether the food was cooked in organic oil or not. It’s about making better choices. It’s not about obsession and perfection.
Can’t get to the gym? Do some bodyweight exercises (squats, lunges, push-ups, jumping jacks, etc.) at home. Throw in an exercise video. Chase your kids around the house. Go for a walk. Dance. Can’t do any of that just yet? Do a chair workout: stretch and move every part of your body a little bit. Hold onto your counter and do some small leg lifts or squats. If this is all you can do today, do it. That’s fantastic.
3. Show yourself some grace and compassion. Rather than obsessing over the end goal, be happy with who you are while you’re working on who you want to become.
My goal is to teach people about health and fitness for their entire lives…..not until they weigh a certain amount; it’s been 8-12 weeks; or any other specific date. Stop the negative trash talk (https://familynfit.com/trashtalk/). If you ate something that wasn’t part of your plan, instead of feeling horrible and putting yourself down, move on. Don’t let that turn into a 3-day binge. Can you do this every day and expect to meet your goals? Nope. But if you make improvements over time, you will eventually get there. Last week you “messed up” 5 times? Okay. Next week, try to get that down to 4. That’s an improvement!
I celebrate holidays and special events with my family. I do eat cake, cookies, chocolate, etc. I am not going to Maine without having a raspberry cream turnover. I go out to eat with friends when I get a chance to do that. I thorough enjoy everything about these experiences. I don’t feel guilty. I don’t try to kill myself with extra cardio….and I don’t want you to either.
Do I eat something “special” every day? No. Does that make me feel deprived and like I should be “enjoying my life?” Absolutely not!! I very much enjoy being fit and healthy! I am a grown woman. I am not a victim. I make my own choices. I can eat whatever I want whenever I want. BUT if I want to reach certain personal goals I’ve set, I have to take action complimentary to those goals.
I have a perfect story about this tip. My sister was at a business meeting a while ago. The company had brought in some coffee and several plates of super large cookies. A co-worker had eaten one or two and said, “don’t tell my trainer that I did this.” I LOVE my sister’s response: “I have lost 50 pounds and I didn’t do that by lying to my trainer, or myself, about what I was putting in my mouth.” Amen!!!!
Do whatever you want, but accept the consequences too. You are a grown up!! Own your actions.
Do what you can, when you can, with what you have available!!
Mar 30
Debbie Hatch | Family & F.I.T.
I was talking to my daughter-in-law the other day about her desire to travel. I explained to her that I never had a plan to do so much traveling myself!! I love it, but I had never been on a plane until I was 28 years old. Now I am on a plane two or more times a week. Not only have I traveled, literally, around the world but I’ve also lived overseas. As a small-town girl with more than my fair share of family “issues”, I could never – in my wildest dreams – have imagined the life I have now. I didn’t plan any of it.
The fact is; I’ve never had a plan. I’ve had a lot of dreams and plenty of short-term goals but that’s it. My husband would attest that this has frequently bothered me. I’ve always felt like I needed long-term goals. I needed to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was taught that we all needed both long and short-term SMART (specific, measurable, aligned to our personal mission, realistic, and time-based) goals and, more than once, I’ve been distraught about my lack of that very thing. My comment about me being lazy in this week’s blog https://familynfit.com/trashtalk/ was because I don’t have everything nailed down in an ironclad plan.
To be clear, this is not the same thing as a lack of ambition. It’s also not the same thing as the vision boards or massive to do lists I have created on numerous occasions. I’ve dabbled in Covey and enjoyed a multitude of strategic planning classes – but I never figured it out. I never created “THE” du, du, duh…..end-state goal. Of course there are things I hope to accomplish but I still don’t know what I want to be.
I guess the difference is that now I know I don’t have to choose just one. I am a jumbled mess of things and I can be any or all of them each day.
I had an epiphany when I was talking to Ash. Every single thing in my life has prepared me for where I am and what I’m doing right now. Plan be damned.
My childhood taught me to fight, and to stand up for others; to compartmentalize when necessary, to petition my mind and to become resilient. Dispatching at the MSP reinforced my “calm under pressure” mentality. Taekwondo taught me peace in the midst of adversity. My passion for health and fitness is now helping many other people, not just myself. Playing Tetris on all of those over-night shifts comes in very handy in storing luggage on the plane. I (sincerely) fight the urge to reposition people’s luggage on a daily basis. If I bought myself a flight attendant suit just so I could Tetris-ize luggage in the overhead bins, would that be weird? I joined Toastmasters in Alabama as a means to meet people at work. I had zero intent for a future in public speaking. I now use those skills on a daily basis.
My point is, you just never know. If you don’t have it figured out, it’s okay. Do any of us? Really? I can count on one hand the number of people I personally know who became what they dreamed of being when they were children.
Even without a plan, somehow everything you have done has prepared you to be right where you are at this very moment. Maybe we need to stop stressing out about the goal. Have aspirations – yes. Set personal goals – yes, but be perfectly happy with where we are now as we move towards wherever it is that we’r
e going.
This sign was hanging in the Durham, NC gym I used last week. I think it’s perfect!!! For physical transformations, and for life!!
Be-YOU-tiful.
xo
Mar 28
Debbie Hatch | Family & F.I.T.
If you told me I was fat, lazy, and not too pretty, we probably wouldn’t be friends for long. I would find you rude and inconsiderate. I would likely say that I don’t care about your opinion and I don’t need people like you in my life.
Here’s the problem: I have said every single one of those things to myself. Multiple times. And you know what else? I’d like to say that the words were uttered a long time ago before I knew better, but that would be a lie. Just yesterday I told my husband that I’m lazy. This past week I told myself I was getting fat and that I’m out of shape. While getting prepared for my last figure show (June 2014), I told the make-up artist, “I’m not one of the prettiest girls, just do the best you can to make me look good on stage.” I’ve told myself I’m not fast enough, strong enough, good enough: I don’t have enough muscle and I have too many stretch marks…for YEARS.
To quote Jill Coleman of JillFit Physiques, “The actual mental, subjective side of the equation (how you feel about your body) has very little to do with the objective measurements (how your body looks). I’ve seen women at 10% bodyfat who hate their bodies and women at 30% who love every inch. The negative self-talk can act as a distraction from the real issue, which is finding a solution and simply showing up in your life every day and doing your best.”
Are the things I say about myself true? Well, let me put it this way. If I met a person who ran 3 businesses, traveled 200 days a year, still got to the gym 4-5 times a week, and helped people when ever she had a spare 10 seconds, I probably wouldn’t think she was lazy. If I told you my closet is full of clothes from high school, and that I can still fit into them, you would likely tell me to go shopping but you wouldn’t think I’m fat.
Why do I allow myself to talk this way, then?
No, I am not shredded. No, I don’t look like I could walk on stage tomorrow. AM I walking on stage tomorrow? No!! So why does it bother me? I say these things because it’s competition season. I have friends and clients competing within the next 6 weeks and I have a touch of the bug. I say these things because I am human.
You say those things to yourself too. Every one of you do at some point, and we need to stop!
I received a text from a client this morning. It read, “I have gained 3 pounds in the last two weeks and I’m frustrated. I’m doing everything I’m supposed to and my body is doing nothing.” Here’s the truth: this girl has already lost over 90 pounds!! Her body has done a lot! She’s accomplished amazing things. None of that makes her feel better. The sad fact is that I get messages frequently from people who have “only lost 3 pounds”. They’re not thrilled with such a small number: they wanted to lose more. Yet, we gain 3 pounds and it’s depressing – if not the end of the world. I’m not exempting myself from this. I get it. I’ve done it too. I do it.
The fact is that no one is truly exempt.
Have you seen this video by Dove? http://creativity-online.com/work/dove-one-beautiful-thought/40208
You might be pretty good at being kind to yourself but we all have those “days” (or weeks, or months, or lives…..) Even Molly Galbrath, fitness professional and kick-ass creator of Girls Gone Strong, wrote this week: “EVERYONE, even fit pros, and even fit pros who love themselves and feel comfortable in their own skin, still have feelings like this on a regular basis. There is nothing wrong with these feelings. It’s what you do with them that counts. Are you letting them rule your life, or are you taking a moment to figure out where they are coming from, and then reacting accordingly?”
I’m working on the later. In that vein, I did an experiment last week. I asked several of my friends to tell me one thing they like about me and one thing they like about themselves. I saw two interesting things. First, not one person said they like me because I have a small waist or curvy shoulders – although a couple of people noted my physical and mental strength. One person wrote, “I like that you never let me beat you when we run together. You make me work.” That made me smile.
No one said they like me because of what I weigh or the size of my pants. This didn’t surprise me but I think it’s a relevant point we should try to remember. Instead, they said things like:
The other thing of interest in my survey – the MOST interesting thing – was the number of people who either didn’t tell me something they liked about themselves. 23% (almost a full quarter) of the people I surveyed said they couldn’t think of anything at the moment. What’s up with that? A throwback to, “if you have nothing to say…..”? I supposed it’s one iota better than the negative trash talk.
Here’s your call to action:
If you’re not at a point where you’re willing to say this out loud on Facebook or in a blog comment, send me a personal message. I’d love to hear your input!!
Mar 22
Debbie Hatch | Family & F.I.T.
Unless you follow Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), you might not know who Ronda Rousey is. That said; the girl is making some noise in many areas so you might have heard of her regardless.
This is not about fighting, well not the kind you’re thinking of anyway, so if that’s not really your thing, please keep reading for just a second.
This is about fighting for a positive female body image.
Ronda is a 28 year old mixed martial artist. She is the first, and current UFC Women’s Bantamweight Champion as well as the last Strikeforce Women’s Bantamweight Champion. She smashed down the door, and is leading the way for Women’s MMA in the United States. So far she’s been unbeatable. Ronda was the first American woman to earn an Olympic medal in Judo. That was at the Summer Olympics in Bejing in 2008.
People love her or hate her; there is no in-between. She definitely evokes very strong emotions.
I applaud Ronda for this interview where she talks about posing in a bikini. http://espn.go.com/espnw/video/12529578/rousey-compares-body-swimsuit-issues
“I walk around at 135 for a couple hours a year JUST before a fight, after cutting weight. The way I look on the scale [for a fight] is not the way I look in real life. It’s not realistic or healthy for me. I don’t want to do a photo shoot like that. I don’t want people to believe that’s how I really look.”
“I want to be able to take off my clothes right now and get in front of the camera.” Just the way I am!! Not the way I look after I’ve “prepared”!!
A-friggin-men!!!!!
Although you’d hear very few of them ever say it, the largest percentage of body builders, figure and bikini competitors, and models you see in magazines have “prepared”. They have been air-brushed, photo shopped, and have cut weight for the shoot. They don’t really look like that.
If you don’t already know, cutting weight involves significantly decreasing carbohydrates, calories, sodium, and water for a few days or a week prior to a certain date (that could be weigh-in for a fight, or the competition date). It is an extreme method of losing weight very quickly. It may also involve sitting in a sauna and/or taking hot baths as a way to drop as much weight as possible by sweating out all of the body’s sub-dermal water. There is an ambulance at every bodybuilding competition and never a shortage of people who have cramped up or passed out behind stage. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.
Please also note: LOSING WEIGHT IS NOT THE SAME AS LOSING FAT!!!!
I have cut weight for a competition. I’ve helped my son do it for a fight and clients do it for competition as well as wrestling meets.
It’s not fun. It’s NOT healthy.
I have also had the self-induced headache for two days due to severe dehydration and brain fog for close to a week. Super low carb intake was responsible for that. As bad of a reputation as they’ve been given, your essential body systems – like brain functioning! – require carbohydrates!!!!
****** THIS is precisely why all of those 3-30 day detox “miracles” you see advertised cause people to “lose weight”. They really do work.
****** They work just long enough for the after photo to be snapped.
****** One glass of water and 8 hours later, there is NO weight loss!! There never was any fat loss!!
***** Ask to see the AFTER after pictures!!!!!!!!!! Ask to look at the photos that were taken 2-5 days later. You’ll find ZERO long-lasting change.
Women in these magazines have been portrayed as the “perfect” for all of us. How many young girls, adolescents, and women look at those pictures and believe that is what they are supposed to look like??? How many young boys, teens, and men look at those pictures and believe that is what women are supposed to look like???
I can tell you this: I did! I can tell you this: my daughter did! I can tell you this: many of the women I work with now: did!
And I can tell you this, too: many people still believe they are “supposed” to look like that or they’re simply not good enough.
Ronda kicks some major booty (and breaks arms) in the ring but this is one fight she might need some help with!
I’m joining the fight – and you should too.
I want you to be happy with yourself. I want you to be able to walk on the beach, or run if you prefer; to play with your children and grandchildren; to be strong enough to take care of yourself. I want you to be healthy for a long time!!! There is no perfect size, shape, or weight. You most certainly don’t need to look like those ladies in your magazines. Especially since most of them don’t even look that way.
xo
Mar 21
Debbie Hatch | Family & F.I.T.
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We all have “those” days. Things don’t go as planned. You’re running from the very moment you wake up until late that night when you finally fall into bed, exhausted and stressed. The day has been a blur. You accomplished nothing you planned. Thank goodness for those quad Starbucks triple mocha cappuccinos or you probably wouldn’t have made it through! These are the days you seek comfort wherever you can find it. Many times that comes in the form of chocolate, cookies, or four helpings of pasta with a loaf of bread for a side, washed down with one or two bottles of wine. We try to drown out our emotions with food and beverage. I know it’s not just me who seeks to fix my problems by sticking my head inside a half-gallon of butter pecan ice cream. What’s your comfort food? Nobody craves a piece of tilapia and asparagus at the end of one of these days – I can promise you that! Well, unless it’s asparagus hidden under a pound of melted cheddar cheese and sprinkled with bacon, anyway. I am an emotional eater. To be honest, I was raised that way. My mother thought food was the answer to everything. Sad? Here’s a sugary treat to make you feel better. Happy? Let’s get something yummy to help us celebrate. Made the honor roll? We get to go to McDonald’s for breakfast tomorrow. Angry? Let’s get something to eat and take some time to calm down. We can talk over a plate-sized cinnamon bun. I remember her cooking an entire loaf of bread as French toast and having a competition to see how many slices I could eat. She helped me gain 63 pounds when I was pregnant with an 8 pound baby because, “this is the one time when you can eat anything you want and you don’t have to worry about whether you’re gaining weight”. It actually goes back even further than that though. When I miss my grandmother, I automatically crave the coconut macaroons, Dunkin Donuts, and Baskin Robbins ice cream she used to bring me. Actually it can go one of two ways. I surveyed some of my friends and clients the other day. It seems like about 90% DO eat when they’re stressed. The other 10% do not eat – anything – when they’re stressed. Clearly, neither of these extremes is ideal. What can we do about it? The stress isn’t going to go away. Our lives are not magically going to be rainbows and sparkling tiaras from this point forward as long as we will it. People we love pass away. Relationships we want to work out, end. Things we wanted to do, we can’t. Things don’t always go our way. We don’t get that promotion. We have too much to do. We get in arguments and have disagreements. It’s the human condition. We need to prepare ourselves to be ready to deal with these difficulties in a better way. We need to plan how we’re going to handle the next crisis when it comes. We need to think about it now before we are IN the situation.
Rather than walking into your house, grabbing the first sugary, fatty, salty thing you can find; crumbling onto the couch and stuffing it into your face, take just a few minutes. Have a glass or two of water. DO something. I know you don’t feel like going to the gym. That’s okay. Just go for a short walk. Call a friend while you’re walking, or listen to music (an audiobook or short podcast). Look at your to-do list and resolve to get one or two quick things checked off. Crank your music and dance around for 5 or 10 minutes. Don’t sit down. Don’t get on the computer. Move for a few minutes and get your blood circulating. I know it’s hard at first – especially if something has happened and you’re depressed, sad, or angry. You owe this few minutes to yourself though. AND this will make you feel better than food will.
We’re taught by our parents, teachers, and even in the workplace, that there are “good” (joy, happiness, pleasure) and “bad” (anger, fear, jealousy) emotions. We’re continually told (and/or we tell ourselves) that we need to suppress “negative” emotions. Don’t be angry. Don’t be sad. Don’t be depressed. Be happy. Be calm. In fact, every emotion serves a purpose! Emotions themselves are not “bad”. It is how we choose to act upon or respond – or even worse, NOT respond – to our emotions that may cause problems. Think about the emotion without the food. Ask yourself questions like these:
You might think I’m weird but I’m going to be completely honest. Don’t knock it until you try it once or twice. I take 5 minutes to just sit or lay down. I close my eyes and I take a deep breathe in. As I slowly exhale, I imagine that the breathe (instead of “just” being exhaled) is being pushed throughout my body. I can feel it going to my lungs, then to my stomach, my arms, my legs. It takes up all of the space inside my body so as it is expanding, it pushes all of the negative energy out – through my shoulders, my finger tips, my toes. This does not take my problems away but it does typically calm me enough so that I can re-center again. I can think more clearly, and I can have a fresh approach.
IF you’ve tried to get it off your mind but you find that you really, really want the chips (or whatever “it” is for you), have them. If you’re an emotional eater, you should NOT keep these things in your house. That makes it much too easy for you. Instead, make the foods you want to limit as inconvenient as possible. At the very least, put these things on the very top shelf of your pantry so you have to expend the effort of dragging out a chair to get to them. I bury stuff in the bottom of my freezer. Unless it’s been a really, really bad day, I’m not going to take the time of digging all the frozen food out just to get to the Thin Mint cookies. Better yet, if this stuff is not in your house, you’ll have to drive to the store. On these days, once you’re in, you’re not likely going to feel like going back out. When you DO go to the store, buy one individual serving size of what you’re craving. Don’t give yourself that BS story about how the larger bag is the better deal, it’s more economical and you’ll save a lot of money by buying the King-sized. That is true but here’s what you need to remember – it’s not a better deal unless you eat the entire thing. You can either waste your money buying the smaller bag OR you can put the extra chips on your waist. One or the other. Waste or waist. You choose.
If you come into the house, grab that large bag of chips, plop onto the couch, pull out your
I know it might not feel like it at that very moment. Life seems so difficult and you feel like crap. Who to hell cares? YOU will! Even if you don’t right this moment, you will later. You have been through difficult times before. You have been stressed. You have survived. Can you tell me of one time when food or alcohol fixed any of your problems? Personally, I can tell you how many times they’ve helped me. Zero! Not even once. A loaf of fresh sourdough bread slathered in butter, and a six pack of Guinness is not going to make anything better this time either. If you over-consume, you end up feeling guilty and sluggish. You’ll feel like you let yourself down. You’ll be disappointed, sad, angry, AND you still have the original issue/stress. If you don’t eat, you will feel exhausted and “disconnected”. It’s hard to concentrate on anything and you become even more emotional when you don’t have food in your body. AND you still have the original issue/stress. We think comfort food is going to comfort us. For me personally, once that last bite is on its way to my stomach….I feel no comfort. I need to either keep eating or realize that my problems are not going to dissolve into a piece of Hershey’s death by chocolate cake.  |
Mar 14
Debbie Hatch | Family & F.I.T.
I’ve received a few e-mails over the last couple of days that I feel I need to address publicly.
There are a billion “nutritional programs” out there.
MOST of them will work if they cause you to change your normal eating habits; cause you to (a) eat fewer processed foods and/or (b) eat fewer calories than you’re burning. Some of these “miracles” will also trash your metabolism over the long term, make it harder for you to maintain your weight-loss, lead to yo-yo dieting, binging and any host of problems.
I lost a bunch of weight by going on a cigarette, coffee, and Suzy Q (chocolate, cream-filled cake) diet when I was young and foolish. I went on a grapefruit only diet; a skim milk only diet, and a “drink vinegar before every meal” diet. I’ve done high fat, low/no carbs, Paleo, Atkins, Beverly Hills, IIFYM, and everything in between. I lost weight on every one of them……..temporarily!!
I’ve also done the exercise insanity! At one point, I would only sleep 2 or 3 hours a night because I had to be in the gym doing cardio for an hour before work. I lifted weights for an hour and did 30-45 more minutes of cardio in the evening after work. Six days a week.
I felt like crap. It didn’t matter. My priority was to lose weight. I would get off the plane at 10 or 11 o’clock at night and not go to bed until after I had worked out. If my flight was at 6 or 7 a.m., I had already spent at least an hour in the gym before I headed to the airport. I maintained memberships to three different gyms so I could be sure to find a place to work out no matter where I was.
My body fat was so low that I did not have a period for over a year. My energy was so low that more than once my husband found me sleeping in our home gym, on the foam roller where I had been trying to ease some of my soreness and I had fallen asleep. My emotions were so messed up that I would cry at the drop of a hat. I was grouchy. My relationships sucked: if they took time away from my workouts, I simply couldn’t fit them in my life.
Does any of this sound healthy over the long term to you?
…. Before you say, “no”, remember that I DID lose weight.
This is the very thing that some people want me to suggest to them now. People want me to tell them to eat 1,000 calories a day. People want me to write super low calorie and super low carb plans for them. I WILL NOT DO IT.
You do NOT need to change your nutrition every week because
You do NOT need to change your exercise program every week. Your muscles do not perform better if you “confuse” them.
STOP THE CRAZINESS of this exercise and nutrition A.D.D.!!!!! Please. I am begging you.
You lose weight – you get healthy – you get fit, by applying common sense and consistency. Nothing less than that!!
PS you might also have to apply just a little bit of patience.
