3 Tips to Make Success a Little More Likely

Family & F.I.T. | Debbie Hatch

As my husband and our mini schnauzer slept “in” this morning, I got up early to make a coffee and reflect on the past week. There were three lessons that I was reminded of and I’d like to share them with you.  Three things I think are applicable to all of us and in most (although I’d venture to even say all) situations.

(1) WHEREVER YOU ARE, SHOW UP COMPLETELY.  

It’s hard!

We always have a million things running through our heads.  Where we need to be next, the project we’re working on, how we’re going to deal with xyz, a previous conversation (or disagreement) we had, that deadline, this thing I forgot to do, etc, etc, etc.

It’s hard!

I try my best to set all of that aside when I’m with someone else, or engaged in an activity. As odd as it might sound, I actually have to remind myself sometimes by saying (in my head), “That is not where you are right now. That is not what you’re doing.  You’re here….be here.”

Here are a couple of small examples:

– – When I’m In the Gym I put my phone on airplane mode.  I deserve 30-45 minutes to focus
on myself.   So do you!  Any emergency that might take place is still going to be there 30-45 minutes from now.  I’m not a First Responder, Law Enforcement, or a Firefighter.  This works for me.  If you simply can’t be out of contact for any period of time, at least set your phone to “Do Not Disturb” and identify only those few people whose messages and calls you want to come in, even when on this setting.

– – When I’m playing with my grandchildren, I try to spend considerably less time on my phone and/or laptop.  I’m running a company and also have several online clients.  I do need to look at my devices. That’s a reality.  I look at them far less, though, than I look at, and play with, the kids.  They are the priority in that moment.  I want them to know that.  I look at them when they tell me stories.  I ask them questions so they know I’m listening.

Yup, that sometimes means I’m not returning business emails or doing proposals/contracts until they’re napping, using the potty, or have gone to bed in the evening.

(2) SET YOUR EGO ASIDE AND TAKE ONE STEP AT A TIME.

It’s hard!

You are not expected to know everything right away, and the absolute fact is you don’t!  In psychology, If you like the nerdy science behind the concept, read this…..  Maslow’s four stages of competence model relates four progressions.

Stage 1:  Unconscious Incompetence.  You don’t know what you don’t know.

Stage 2:  Conscious Incompetence.  You now are aware of the existence and the relevance of the new skill.  Now you know what you don’t know.

Stage 3:  Consciously Competent.  You can do the new skill or whatever but it requires conscious and deliberate thought to do it.

Stage 4:  Unconscious Competence.  This is where the skill has become so practiced that it enters the unconscious part of the brain.  It’s now “second nature”.

If you’re not really into the science, but just want the concept, let me come back to a more “everyday approach”.  When it comes to building a strong foundation, ditching the ego and taking things one step at a time is critical.

It’s hard!

From an aesthetic perspective, if your goal is to lose 50 pounds (using weight as an example is not my favorite but this is a goal many people set, so it makes complete sense to talk about it), that’s not going to happen overnight.  It’s not going to happen in a week, or four.

Focus on one thing you can do today.

It’s unrealistic for me to set a goal of “lose 5 pounds next week”.  I can control my actions but not how my body is going to actually respond to the things I do.

Rather, I CAN set a goal to

“Eat a serving of vegetables at two meals each day”

“Drink 6-8 glasses of water each day”

“Walk 30-45 minutes each day”

“Take a fitness/yoga class” or

“Lift weights twice a week”

Do you see these difference?  These are actionable steps I do have control over.

Don’t skip steps.  This is not a race. There is no due date.  These are healthy habits we want to develop for your entire life.

(3) CELEBRATE ALL OF THE VICTORIES: It doesn’t matter how small you think they are.

It’s hard!

We want what we want right now and when we don’t hit our goals, we become frustrated,depressed, and just give up.  Why bother?

Using the examples from above:

– – You didn’t eat vegetables at two meals each day but you ate them at 6 different meals last week.  If you don’t normally eat vegetables, that’s a victory!

– – You didn’t drink 6-8 glasses of water each day but you did consistently drink 4.  If that’s an increase from what you normally do, that’s a victory!  What you perceive to be little things, when applied incrementally and consistently, add up.

BOTTOM LINE:  The more fully we show up, the more we practice, the more time we take building a solid foundation of habits through steps of progression, the more likely we are to be successful.